Tuesday, October 02, 2018

The Highs And Lows Of Being A Mum

I haven't updated my blog for a long time now, one of the reasons is that I have been so busy with the daily mum life and felt that I simply do not have enough time to do things I used to enjoy, such as writing my thoughts down on the blog. 

A little update now, my baby, she's not exactly a baby now but I still call her that, is turning 2 years old later this month. She is honestly the biggest joy in our life and she has totally changed my life since her arrival. I love her more than anything and anyone (sorry Hubby) in this world and I feel so, so blessed that she is in our lives. 

Being a mother means sacrifice sometimes, but you would do it without hesitation, it is just in you. It can get a bit overwhelming from the demands that come with being a mother - a small person is depending on you 100%, it is scary! For a certain period of time, a good two or three months I would say, I felt a bit low. It wasn't something in particular but just the daily life made me feel a bit burnt out. Yes, burnt-out doesn't just happen in the workplace, it happens to us full time mums too. It's just that I hardly see people talk about it.  I didn't realise it during that time but when I came out of it, I saw what it was. 

There were days I felt like crying, when my daughter became clingy all of a sudden and wanted me to carry her all the time or she would cry nonstop, and no one can comfort her except me, and I was 4 or 5 months pregnant, it was hard. During those days, I totally neglected myself. I am talking no makeup for most of the days, my nails were chipped and unpolished, my hair was greasy and I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't even shower every day. I go to bed at early hours, pretty much the same time as my daughter and still felt exhausted most of the time. I even mentioned to my husband that I needed to see a doctor about this because I felt, dare I use that word, depressed? 

Luckily for me, I was able to pull myself out of it eventually and I am much better. One thing that helped was that I recognised that something was not right and wanted to self help. Gradually, I realised that I needed to lower my standard and not be so hard on myself. Yes I let my toddler watch TV when she was unsettled - it is okay. I buy ready to cook meal kits from the supermarket so I don't have to  chop the vegetables and that is okay. Fish fingers and oven chips for dinner, totally okay. I painted my nails instead of putting the laundry away when my toddler was at nursery this morning, that's okay too. It might seem trivial but the extra minutes you saved so you can sit down and have a cup of tea or simply make an effort to look after yourself really helps your mental wellbeing. 

A few weeks ago, I decided to get dressed up and go to our local park with my cousin to take some lovely photos with my baby. It was the last warm day of the summer this year and I thought it was a day nicely spent. The photos came out so beautiful and yes my cousin airbrushed my skin but I absolutely love how those photos reflected my current positive state of mind. I am sure I will be treasuring these moments forever. 

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